Letting your child go on vacation with another family

You are probably feeling a lot of things right now. It’s normal to feel anxious or even sad about letting your child go on vacation with another family. But it’s important to remember that this is just temporary, and you will have them back in your arms before you know it!

Here are some tips to help you relax during this time:

Tips when letting your child go on vacation with another family

1. Different families, different rules. Is your child comfortable in the other family’s home or company? Do they share similar values and family rules? While your youngster may be required to unplug from technology after 9 p.m. or restrict television or video game time, each family has their own rules of the road. A detailed conversation between adults and a discussion of expectations with your child will be helpful. Concerned about homesickness? An overnight test run will serve as a conversation starter.

2. Talk it through. Discuss the specifics of the itinerary with the other adults and review in detail with your child. If flying is part of the plan, talk through the various aspects of airport safety, moving through security and ensuring he or she will be comfortable on board. Review any steps that should be taken to manage allergies or medications. Discuss the level of adventure, cultural immersion or exertion involved and be sure all parties are informed and comfortable with the plan. If your child will be traveling outside the U.S., it will be helpful to review the U.S. State Department’s travel checklist for important information. Given recent world events, don’t be surprised if your child expresses anxiety about moving out of his or her comfort zone.

3. On the safe side. While it is unlikely that things will go wrong, be sure your child and the other adults have your insurance card, and any appropriate medical history. It is also wise to send along a letter with both parents’ signatures, enabling the other adults to authorize medical treatment for your child. If any border crossings are involved, you will also need a letter, signed and notarized by both parents, authorizing your child’s travel.

4. Dollars and sense. An invitation to join in the fun may not be all-inclusive. Be sure to inquire about what costs might be involved. Should your child be prepared to pay for any meals, park entrance fees, lift tickets or special activities? How much cash, if any, should your child bring along for expenses, including snacks and souvenirs? Discuss these details with your child so he or she will have the proper expectations and responses. It may be appropriate to send a credit or debit card with an older child in case of an emergency.

5. Manners matter. Traveling with another family can provide your child the opportunity to learn new social skills and to expand his or her sense of independence. Discuss appropriate ways to interact with other family members and encourage a timely thank you card or gift upon return from the trip.

How to vacation with another family – and still come back friends

Tips for having fun and staying close.

1. Make sure the kids get along as well as the adults.

There is no point heading off on vacation if your child is going to spend the whole time miserable or bickering because they don’t get along with your friends’ kids. Of course, children are going to have squabbles, but if you never get a moment to read your book in peace because of the endless, “She’s using my inner tube, Mommy!” tattles, then why bother going at all?

2. Plan the vacation together.

By planning the vacation together, you won’t have any sudden surprises. For example, finding out the bathrooms are shared with other residents could be incredibly embarrassing. Or discovering that the villa you’re staying at is miles from anywhere could cause problems, too.

3. Talk money before you go.

Picture it: you are sipping tap water and your kids are sharing a soda while your friend swigs chardonnay and her kids have sundaes the size of a house. Then she says, “Why don’t we split the bill?”

Before you go, talk about how you plan to do meals. Can you both afford to eat out every night or will you share in the cooking? Who will pay for what? Maybe set up a fund for shared expenses. There is nothing worse than resentment building up when you feel you are coughing up for every extra while your frugal friend never gets her wallet.

4. Talk about bedtimes.

What if you want your kids tucked in bed and out of your hair by 8 p.m. so you can relax and have some adult conversation, while your friend thinks it’s fine to allow her kids to run around until the adults hit the hay? You may start to feel like you are never going to enjoy a peaceful escape. Further, your own brood is sure to sulk and moan that they have to go to bed. Before you know it, you give in and let your kids stay up, only to have them turn into exhausted demons the next day. Now image you’ve got two weeks of this. Nightmare!

5. Find out what they want from a vacation.

I like nothing better than swimming in the ocean and reading a book. However, I married a man who hates beaches and wants to visit museums and old towns, even in 90-degree heat. I’ve learned to compromise, and that is exactly what you are going to have to do on vacation with another family. Just because you want to lounge around the pool all day, doesn’t mean they want do, so allow for a little bit of give and take.

6. Get off your butt.

If you are sharing living accommodations, keep in mind that just because you are on vacation doesn’t mean that the floors don’t need sweeping, dishwasher doesn’t need unloading or groceries don’t need purchasing. Be sure to do your bit. If your friends aren’t quite pulling their weight, gently ask them for a hand. (Or buy paper plates.)

7. Accept their parenting style.

This perhaps is the hardest one. I’m not one for kids eating lunch naked, but my friend saw nothing wrong with this at all. And while I told my kids to amuse themselves while I read a book for an hour, my friend never sat down, always jumping up the minute her kids asked for anything. She then complained that she never got a second to herself. You are never going to agree with every single little thing your friends do, but it’s best not to get involved. We all do things in our own style.

8. Let it go.

You’re on vacation. You saved for this all year, planned it out and have been looking forward to it for months. So is it really worth getting all worked up because your friend used the last of the milk? Or her kids ate the last popsicles?

This is meant to be your time to relax, so try your best to. If relaxation means asking your friends to babysit so you and your partner can have a night out alone, or suggesting breaking off so that you can do something with just your family, do it. It’s your vacation after all! Besides, if all else fails, you don’t have take a joint family vacation with your friends again.

Reasons Why All Parents Should Take a Kid-Free Vacation

1. We need to let our kids have their space from us, and vice versa!

If we hold the reins on our children too tightly, how can they learn to be independent? Giving our kids the chance to do things on their own or do things differently when under the care of other adults allows them to grow in a way that they can’t when everything is routine and predictable. If you’re worried about your child feeling anxious while you’re gone, an article in the Wall Street Journal entitled The Overprotected American Child provides reassurance about why it can actually be helpful to give an anxious child a bit of freedom. Without trusting them with a little time away, “it reinforces to the child that there is something they should be scared of and the world is a dangerous place and ‘I can’t do that for myself,’” says Rebecca Rialon Berry, a clinical psychologist at the NYU Langone Child Study Center. Making the choice to leave your children under another trusted adult’s care for a few days also sends a message to your kids that you believe in them and trust them enough for them to be without you for a little while.

2. We can reconnect with our partners on a different level.

No matter how good you are at prioritizing your relationship with your partner, chances are that most of the time, you’re still putting the kids first. Getting out on a date night here and there is nice, but when you go away for a few days with your partner, you can both remember who you were before you became parents. A bit of time away from the kids allows you both to slip back into your fully formed identity that does not involve being dominated by parental roles. According to a Michigan State University article, not surprisingly, when the U.S Travel Association conducted a study of 1,100 adults, it revealed those that couples that traveled alone, even occasionally, enjoyed more romance, intimacy and were happier overall. Focusing on the family as a whole makes it easy not to give your relationship with your partner the time and energy that it deserves. A kids-free vacation gives you the opportunity to do so. 

3. It’s fun!

Even when you are the type of family that eats out and travels the world together regularly, we all know that parents let loose in a different way when they don’t have to go home to the kids. You don’t have to think about modeling good behavior or the bedtime routine or whether you should have that extra glass of wine. When you have more time to yourselves as adults and not as parents, you can relax more, sleep more, and actually have the time to figure out how you want to spend (and enjoy) your time.

4. Your kids will have the opportunity to spend special time with a special someone.

It’s not easy to leave your kids with someone else, but if there is a grandparent or aunt or uncle or trusted friend available for childcare, your children will have the opportunity to get to know them on a whole new level. It’s so rare for children to have that extensive bonding time that comes along with a few days together with a special someone. They will have the chance to create new memories and strengthen their relationship in a way that would not happen otherwise.

5. You deserve it.

Going on vacation with your kids is not a vacation from parental duties. It may be a vacation from your 9-to-5 job, but there’s no escaping parenting unless you embark upon a kids-free vacation. You spend more hours taking care of parenting tasks and decisions than anything else in your life. Those hours don’t even account for the emotional labor of parenting. Being able to kick back and put up your feet is necessary for your mental health. It is self care at its best.

6.  Breaking routine has its benefits.

There is nothing like routine and schedule to weigh you down, and so much of our routines and schedules come from parenting duties. The freedom that comes from a purely schedule-free time is rejuvenating and invigorating. When we’re on vacation with kids, we are creating unforgettable memories. Still, our bodies might be on vacation, but our minds and emotions are not. To truly let go and unwind take more than a couple of days of vacation without children, but once you reach that point, it is healing and an amazing way to recharge.

7. You and your children will have a new appreciation for each other.

A few days apart will have you all missing each other and appreciating each other in a way that can never happen when you’re together all the time. When you’re not consumed with stress and a non-stop schedule, you can see your children in the best light possible. And they will feel the same about you. The nagging and squabbles and minutiae of daily life fall away when you can find the time and space that you need.

8. You will be a better parent.

When you take care of yourself, you can take care of others better. When you take time for yourself, you can feel more present when you come home. You are setting a good example for your children when you show them that it is important to take care of you.